Israel and Iran, huh? So which of the two lands do you figure the almighty Spencer Pratt personified himself to be? Boy, you know you’ve made it big when you compare your grade-school quarrel to two warring countries. How profound. Oh how I have underestimated his greatness. It’s amazing the philosophy and fervor that head of his can ensue when the Xbox is broken and his sole job description equals breaking the couch in.

This confrontation stemmed from him claiming his big sissy, Stephanie “jumped ships” to LC’s “team” by inviting his archenemy to celebrate her own birthday. Never have I more sincerely meant the words “Get Over it” as I do now. Refusing to attend his own sibling’s celebration over this worthless pile will certainly not make him a candidate for brother of the year. Not that he would ever be in contention anyway…but still.

Though he continues to exude his usual douchebaggish behavior, it is inevitable that when one half of the terrible twosome rears its ugly head you can be sure the other is following close behind. Knowing that Lauren and her besty, Lo, were making an appearance at Steph’s birthday bash, Speidi called an emergency meeting to their evil headquarters-a booth in the dark corner of a Mexican restaurant-to plot their malevolent scheme to show up… and…just…sit there. No cat-scratching. No bitch-fest. No drama.

Such a wasted opportunity to rip-out a hair weave or burst a silicone bag. It must be because “nice” is his “middle-name.”

**Happy 24th Birthday Krislyn <3 You!