I suppose when the highlights of your resume include playing the dork on a high-school sitcom, your shit-eous attitude booting you off of ‘The Biggest Loser’ (of all shows), hawking T-shirts to pay off your home mortgage loan and stage-writing your own horribly disturbing and raunchy home-made sex-tape, perhaps desperate times call for desperate measures.

Apparently Dustin Diamond aka “Screech” Powers, from the 90’s mega-hit Saved By the Bell, has reached that measure, for he is adding yet another highlight to that ever-growing job list of his. Soon he will be able to include “author,” as the former nerd is dictating a tell-all piece called ‘Behind the Bell’ with assistance from veteran ghost writer, Alan Goldsher to ensure those juicy details will spill over every page. New York Magazine reports Diamond’s book promises to detail “sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying.”

Hasn't the former 'Screech' provided us with enough ‘sexual escapades’ for all 6 of them combined? Yuck. Way to ruin your sweet science-geek persona. Now I’m left to ponder if my eyeballs would rather be carved out with a spoon or be forced to view such a horrid sight.

Though very little comment has been made by the rest of the former cast on this pathetic attempt to weasel on back into the spotlight, former Bayside High’s heartthrob, Zach Morris, aka Mark-Paul Gosselaar threw in his two cents, telling the LA Times:

“I can’t wait to read it! He’s going to tell all the dirty laundry that was in Saved by the Bell. Was I in a club at 16, smoking cigarettes, taking a drink from people? Yeah I was!" Gosselaar said. "I did the thing that normal kids do. Did I go to house parties and do keg stands and beer bongs? That's what kids do! I didn't live in a bubble, but I was a normal kid. Nowadays these kids are trying to have an ounce of normalcy and they have a camera in their face."

Sigh. Can’t we just forever relish in the memories of Buddy Bands and workout video rendezvous?