Dear Bella,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now. We like each other. But I sometimes I think this girl wants to jump his bones. There have been specific incidents that I have spoken to my boyfriend about, and I've actually spoken to her about them too. Everyone is aware that I am uncomfortable with their relationship sometimes. Last weekend, I was out of town. The night before I came home, my boyfriend casually mentioned that he had been in the hot tub, naked, with the girl while I was gone. WTF?!!! He says he didn't think it was such a big deal. He was drunk. There were other people there...blah blah blah. We've talked about "the line" and where it is, but Bella, apart from smacking him, what should I do? Are boys really this dumb? Or am I just a sucker for sticking it out?

Wondering WTF

Wondering WTF,

He did do something wrong! Regardless of his excuse, there is no reason for him to be naked with another girl, let alone a girl that you don’t feel comfortable with for obvious reasons. If anything, he should have the balls to say that he has a girlfriend and normal people would understand and respect that. Drunk or not, it was an act of someone who isn’t ready for a relationship. A relationship has some level of commitment, and you were brave enough to tell him, and her, your feelings about these incidents.

Boys are not this dumb, some of them just want to see how much they can get away with. They wish they were living in some fantasy porno where it’s okay to get naked in a hot tub with three other people one day and have a girlfriend to love the next day. If he liked you as much as he says he does, why would he be doing these things with his friend? If there were no sort of attraction, he wouldn’t get naked because it would be weird. Who really knows what happened in that hot tub; alcohol can make you do stupid things.

You are a strong woman for putting up with as much as you have. Tell him how you feel, and give him an ultimatum that you are ready to follow through with (like “do anything like this again, it’s over”). Ask him to put himself in your shoes. Would he like it if you got drunk and naked with a guy that liked you? You need to ask yourself these questions: Is he worth this stress in your life? Would you be better off with someone who treats you the way you want to be treated? Could you ever trust him? Sometimes all these boys need is a wakeup call that what they are doing isn’t cool with you.

Relationships are about trust (among many other things) and you don’t want to be with someone who you have to baby-sit all the time, or if you turn your back he’s across the street with his pants off with another girl. Guys can be jerks, but it doesn’t mean you have to put up with it!

Love,

Bella