Dear Bella,

I just want your opinion on this. I met this guy a few weeks ago and I thought he was really cool. I never got his number or anything, so I just hoped we would run into each other again. We ended up seeing each other again about a week later, by chance. He offered to take me to dinner, so we went out and had a great time. This is where things didn’t go as well. I got very drunk at dinner and afterwards, probably because I was nervous and I liked him, and we ended up hooking up. We talk and text message, but he hasn’t made an effort to see me again. I’m afraid that he thinks I’m a party girl who sleeps around. What do you think? What should I do?

Sincerely,

Drunk and Disorderly

Dear Drunk and Disorderly,

Well first let me point out that there is good news and bad news about this situation. The bad news is that many guys think that a girl who gives it up on the first date is a one-night thing, or at least a fling type of relationship. The good news is that not all guys think like this.

If you completely regret sleeping with him and feel that it is not at all in your character (be careful, don’t be a hypocrite) then you should talk to him about it. This way, he will know to not expect it every time you hang out. If you have done this a few times before, then you might already be familiar with the outcomes you have experienced in the past.

The thing with sleeping with someone on the first date is that you can’t expect him to be your boyfriend immediately (if this indeed is your intention). Now it’s a waiting game. I say to be prepared for the worst (he doesn’t want to have you as a girlfriend) and hope for the best (he becomes your boyfriend). If your intention was to gain a boyfriend out of this experience, don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out as planned.

It comes down to how he is with first date “relations” and how you act with him from this day forward. If you are constantly going on dates with other guys and partying all the time, he may see this as a sign that your one night stand was just that. If you really like him, then just take it one day at a time. Hooking up doesn’t expedite the process of him asking you out. It may take months for him to make up his mind. Don’t keep blaming yourself for a “mistake” you may have thought you made. I know a few couples who hooked up on the first date and are still dating three years later. Its not isolated incidents that describe your character. Its how you act and how you portray yourself every day, your morals, etc.

If you aren’t a party girl, then don’t worry about if he thinks that. You will never know until you ask. Maybe he thinks he’s the luckiest guy in the world. I’m sure we’ve all had our fair share of bedroom regrets, but you can’t change the past. Get over it and move on with your life! Don’t be ashamed of it. Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out sooner or later. If this keeps happening to you and you don’t understand why, maybe you should cut back on the apple martinis.

Love,

Bella