I know that I, along with thousands of other fantasy football players, have wasted a valuable draft pick on New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees. And I, along with those thousands, have contemplated running face-first into a flaming brick wall covered in copies of the movie "Glitter" (yeah, THAT bad).

As such, I’ve decided to write a letter to Mr. Brees describing my gripes with his poor performance and detailing the ways he has cost me the first half of this fantasy season. Should he choose to respond, I will eagerly post his reply in this blog.

Dear Drew,

I'm writing to you as a concerned fan and fantasy football player. I’ve noticed that you are really crappy this year. What's that about? Last year you captivated the hearts of millions in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. You made the New Orleans Saints "America's team," bumping the stupid Dallas Cowboys from their undeserved throne. It was a welcome change.

This season, on the other hand, you have decided to play football about as well as Tim Couch, (except with more face birthmarks). Why, Drew? Why? Don’t you have the same team behind and in front of you? Maybe even to the side of you?

Maybe it's because your team really is behind you and you're looking the wrong direction, hence all those interceptions. You want to throw the ball at the guys with the GOLD AND BLACK helmets, not other colors. Maybe you’re colorblind, which really wouldn’t be your fault, but we can work around that. Look for the fleur de lis, big D.

Last year you only had 11 interceptions, as opposed to this year's ten interceptions--in seven games! This time last year you had a respectable eight passing touchdowns, but countered that with a mere four interceptions. Usually you’re supposed to throw more touchdowns than interceptions, unless you're Joey Harrington. Are you Joey Harrington, Drew? Do you play on horrible teams who have no offensive line for you to stand behind? Didn't think so.

I’d also like to point out that #25 on your team is a very good player, too. It's important to get the ball to your best players, so they can run down the field towards the opponent's end zone, thus scoring you points and finally leading to victories, a better record and happier fantasy owners like me.

What is the big change from last year to this year, Drew? Did you start using different shampoo? Did you buy a new house? Are you trying to forget that you went to Purdue University? Believe me, many have tried, and have come up empty. Just ask Mike Alstott, he cries every time he thinks about it. Why do you think he got injured so much? Making Boilers is hard, I guess.

Damn it, DREW! Ok, I'm sorry, but I get so emotional when I've invested my sports knowledge into the fantasy equivalent of Onterrio Smith. Even though you are a Saint, you really have no experience in the field of Saint-ing. I read your Wikipedia page I see no mention about any studying you did in Texas, Indiana, San Diego, or New Orleans. How exactly did you pass your Saint test then? Mr. Brees, sainthood is not something to be taken lightly, yet you seem to be tap-dancing all over the sacred idea of it. Maybe even boiler-making all over it.

Let me be honest with you, Mr. Brees. I recently had a trade offer for you. My friend walked up to me and asked me if I would trade you for a ham sandwich, no cheese. A HAM SANDWICH, NO CHEESE! Is that a sign of the letdown you have brought fantasy owners? Being exchanged for cheese-less perishable food items?

Sure, you started the season badly, but I still had faith in you...then another game went by of your mediocrity, then another. I could have traded you for Donovan McNabb straight up, but I decided to go with my Boilermaking QB from Texas.

I’m begging you, Drew. Please help me restore faith in my fantasy team. You were my #2 pick overall, and how can I expect to win if my #2 draft pick puts up a goose egg in the first 3 weeks of the season? Even Allen Iverson thinks you turn the ball over too much.

But alas, poor Brees, I hardly knew ye. I have faith that the second half of your season will be a major turn-around. I have faith that you will have at least four or five touchdowns in eight, yes, eight games. I have faith that you will get the ball to your play-making receivers and punch doubt in the face and then do a cartwheel straight into the fourth place spot in the NFC South. (Let's face it, Atlanta sucks.) But if you're okay with it, Drew, then I'm ok with it, because if you're going down, then I’m going down too. Straight down we’ll go in a flaming chariot with you as my horse-whipping driver in black and gold.

Sincerely,

Ryan McAfee